Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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