omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
