there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
