He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
