operation harelip BJ is a go
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
