I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
