There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
