Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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