it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
