Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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