when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
