We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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