I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
