Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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