You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
