He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i drank out of a bidet.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
