is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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