I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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