one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
