he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
