Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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