my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
