the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
