i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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