Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
