I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
