The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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