I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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