so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
