Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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