Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
