do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
