yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
im having a threesome with these popsicles
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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