I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
