I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
