In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
