yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
