I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
