love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
