pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
third nipple confirmed
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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