There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
