I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The Olympian is in my bed
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
