my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
