i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
