Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
