Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
