Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Sext me about skeletons
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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