I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
