My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
