Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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