Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
