You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
