Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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